• Techniques to use to help raise responsible kids
  
• Have more fun in their role as a parent or teacher
• Techniques that can easily and immediately change their children's behavior

Love and Logic is a philosophy founded in 1977 by Jim Fay and Foster W.  Cline, M.D. It is the approach of choice among leading educators,  parents, and other professionals worldwide.  Today, Jim Fay and Foster Cline present their philosophy with engaging and fun discussions, along with Jim Fay's son, Charles Fay, PhD.

It's a SIMPLE concept:
Love allows children to GROW through their mistakes.
Logic allows children to LIVE with the consequences of their choices.

A Love and Logic technique IN ACTION, sounds like this:

Dad: "Oh, no. You left your bike unlocked and it was stolen. What a bummer. I bet you feel awful. Well, I understand how easy it is to make a mistake like that." (Notice that the parent is not leading with anger, intimidation, or threats.)

Dad then adds, "And you'll have another bike as soon as you can earn enough money to pay for it. I paid for the first one. You can pay for the additional ones."

Love and Logic parents know that no child is going to accept this without an argument, but Love and Logic parents can handle arguments. Jim Fay advises "just go brain dead." This means that parents don't try to argue or match wits with the child. They simply repeat, as many times as necessary, "I love you too much to argue." No matter what argument the child uses, the parent responds "I love you too much to argue." Parents who learn how to use these techniques completely change, for the better, their relationships with kids and take control of the home in loving ways. ~ Jim Fay, Love and Logic Founder

by Jim Fay and Charles Fay, Ph.D.

LOVE
It takes a great deal of love to…

• Find the positives in our kids when they act poorly
• Hug them before we ask them about their homework
• Set limits without anger, lectures, or threats
• Hold them accountable for their poor decisions by providing empathy first and consequences second

LOGIC
When we give this special kind of love, a wise type of logic grows in their minds:

"When I make poor decisions, it makes my life pretty sad. I wonder how my next decision will affect my life?"

by Sarah Kahle Kuipers

Why Toddlers Dawdle
Lagging behind usually isn't a sign of toddler defiance. When you're not in a hurry, you'll probably notice that your toddler's held up because he's intensely examining a rock or spider web. Taking time for in-depth exploration is a good thing (he's curious!) and a great sign that your child is able to focus his attention on something for a long time (a big kid skill). By moving at a snail's pace while you're trying to zip along, your toddler is also gaining independence and following his own interests despite your, um, disinterest.


And when it comes down to it,
kids younger than three or four just
don't really have a concept of time.




What to Do About Dawdling
When you can, dawdle with him. Ask about what he's interested in, which is also a great way to encourage his language skills. You can learn a lot about your toddler by following him on these explorations. What's more, he'll feel like you value and respect the individual he's becoming, which can prevent tantrums and other ploys for power.

The reality is, you can't always go at your toddler's pace. Encourage him to move along by suggesting he hop to the door, the next line in the sidewalk, that tree, etc. You can also prepare him to leave his current activity by warning him five minutes before it's time to go: "Pretty soon, you'll need to be done with that. We're going to the store." To make scheduling less stressful for you and your toddler, build in time for his dawdling. And if all else fails, see it as a reminder to stop and smell the roses yourself.

Why Toddlers Dash
"Running away is very much a metaphor," says Tovah P. Klein, PhD, director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development. "The infant is attached to the parent, but once they get up and walking, they start to separate." And fast!

While dawdling probably has nothing to do with you, you are a key player in the game of running away. (The game being, "I run and you catch me.") "The reason toddlers laugh when you swoop them up is their assumption that you'll be there to catch them," says Klein. Toddlers really have no sense that they might run too far to be caught. "When they run away, they're gleeful. They can't stop themselves—they're totally celebrating," says Klein.

What to Do About Dashing
Indeed, the diaper-change-sprint (or "Get your shoes" dash) can be annoying. But giving in to your toddler's tests of power indoors is safe and developmentally appropriate.  "You're granting them some of that need for control," says Klein.

But when you're outside, it's time for limits. Let him know clearly that you hold his hand when you cross a street, or that when he's on the playground you need to be able to see him. If he runs away, be firm in telling him that it's not safe. "Inside, you're giving them some power: 'Sure you can run!' Outside, you give them the rule: 'You can't run away. We're keeping you safe,'" says Klein. Some kids might need to stay in the stroller if their staying power is too unpredictable.

And what about "kid leashes," the kind that attach from a wrist band Mom or Dad wears to a tag or strap a toddler wears on her back? Klein believes they're disrespectful. "Leashing a child is a way to control a child without respecting who they are," she says. "It may have short-term benefit by keeping the child close, but over time I would think it makes her resentful," Klein says.

As a child wearing a leash explores, she's being physically restrained: Klein ventures that must feel like punishment and does not help a child develop her own control, a process that takes time. Instead of leashing your child, help her learn to "tether" herself by having her hold your hand, or hold onto the stroller. "It does take time and lots of repetition," Klein says.

Note:  Leashes are a highly debated topic, based on your child's needs and the challenges you face.  The primary goal of Love and Logic is to allow the logical consequences to occur to a child - the earlier the better (before they grow up and these same behaviors cause irreparable damage to them as adults) - PROVIDED it does not place the child in danger, cause harm, injure or cause a life long detriment to the child.  Remember, the goal is to teach them early to understand boundaries, by you being consistent and focused on the task at hand.  If a child cannot stay by you as you cross a street, or are in a parking lot, then that child might not be ready to walk next to you and might need to be in a stroller or the grocery cart.  Privileges like these may be earned by good behavior.  Best recommendation?  Set up "practice" sessions... take a friend with you to the grocery store so you have two adults available to protect the child if they want to dash.  Happy Parenting!  :)  B

(more articles on this subject are located by clicking
on the "Parenting Tips" tab above - (0- 6 years)

By Dr. Charles Fay, Love & Logic   

Have you ever had a successful debate with a rabid dog?
I tried it once. It didn't go very well:

Fido [biting my leg]:  Grrrr
Me: Now Fido, if you keep this up, there will be serious conseq - ow!
Fido [sinking teeth deeper]: Grrrr
Me: Don't you take that tone with me, mister! You are only hurting yourself with these bad choices you're making…
 
As humans, our miraculous brains can outperform Fido's before our first birthday. Our brains can do things dogs can't - such as complex reasoning and making wise decisions - as long as we are calm.
 
Unfortunately, when we are very upset, our brains switch to the part that is not much better at thinking than Fido's dog brain.
 
So, when we try to lecture or reason with an angry kid, we'll probably be as successful as we'd be with a rabid canine. Like Fido, upset kids are unlikely to stop mid-rage and suddenly be swayed by our wise and compelling words.
 
Wise adults take better care of themselves by waiting for more calm and happy times to talk with kids. They find that when the storm of emotion has passed over, thinking and logic have a better chance. Calm brains may actually be able to hear and understand what the adults are trying to communicate.