Have you ever been caught in a TUG of WAR with your child?  Of COURSE you have...that's NORMAL for parents and their children!  When our children REFUSE to do what we ask of them, or when they are upset because WE don't do what THEY ask of US...the battle lines are drawn.
Very quickly, our children seem to MASTER the skill of debate!  We have worked diligently to raise responsible, independent children.  Then, one day we realize: we have done a GREAT job!  As they grow up, they show this independence and need for control in so many ways... and this "struggle for balance" can drive both you AND your child crazy!  Parenting with Love and Logic addresses these "control issues" from an EARLY age (we have a whole series JUST for the ages of birth to six!)  Stop the bickering, the reminders, the lectures...let's start LOVING our children, and allow LIFE to provide the LESSONS needed for their future SUCCESS!  Read on!
Blessings to you!
B

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What IS our job as parents?

By Dr. Charles Fay, Love and Logic

When asked, "What's our job as a great parent or great teacher?" most people say something like, "To raise or help create really respectful and responsible kids." Our good friend and co-founder of Love and Logic, Foster W. Cline, M.D., disagrees. Dr. Cline argues:

It's not our job to raise responsible kids. Our job is to consistently do the things that give kids an opportunity to become responsible.

When we spend all of our time and energy trying to make our kids respectful and responsible, we open ourselves up to major power-struggles. It's as if we send an unstated message such as, "All of my self-worth and happiness is tied up in how well you behave." This is far too much power for any child to have. Too often, strong-willed children use this power to punish their parents.

In contrast, when we focus on doing the right things and giving our kids a great opportunity, we place appropriate responsibility on them and they have no battle to fight. The unstated message is much different: "While I want very much for you to have a happy and responsible life, I can't make that happen for you. You are the one who has to do most of the work."

Take care of yourself by remembering that the only thing you really have complete control over is yourself.

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CLASSES COMING SOON!

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What IS Love and Logic?

Since 1977, Love and Logic has provided simple and practical techniques for parent and teachers
to use with kids of all ages:

• Techniques to use to help raise responsible kids
  
• Have more fun in their role as a parent or teacher
• Techniques that can easily and immediately change their children's behavior

Love and Logic is a philosophy founded in 1977 by Jim Fay and Foster W.  Cline, M.D. It is the approach of choice among leading educators,  parents, and other professionals worldwide.  Today, Jim Fay and Foster Cline present their philosophy with engaging and fun discussions, along with Jim Fay's son, Charles Fay, PhD.

It's a SIMPLE concept:
Love allows children to GROW through their mistakes.
Logic allows children to LIVE with the consequences of their choices.

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Having problems finding
the JOY in parenting?
Join us!

It's time to ENJOY your kids!

What does Love and Logic
LOOK like?

A Love and Logic technique IN ACTION, sounds like this:

Dad: "Oh, no. You left your bike unlocked and it was stolen. What a bummer. I bet you feel awful. Well, I understand how easy it is to make a mistake like that." (Notice that the parent is not leading with anger, intimidation, or threats.)

Dad then adds, "And you'll have another bike as soon as you can earn enough money to pay for it. I paid for the first one. You can pay for the additional ones."

Love and Logic parents know that no child is going to accept this without an argument, but Love and Logic parents can handle arguments. Jim Fay advises "just go brain dead." This means that parents don't try to argue or match wits with the child. They simply repeat, as many times as necessary, "I love you too much to argue." No matter what argument the child uses, the parent responds "I love you too much to argue." Parents who learn how to use these techniques completely change, for the better, their relationships with kids and take control of the home in loving ways. ~ Jim Fay, Love and Logic Founder

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NEED TO SIGN UP FOR A CLASS?

Nationally, the L & L course costs: 
$99 pp / $165 couple...

THIS YEAR we are offering the class at a discount! 
For only
$13 a session! 

SIGNING UP FOR A LOVE AND LOGIC CLASS IS EASY! 
REGISTER NOW - AN INVOICE WILL BE EMAILED TO YOU!

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Love and Logic
Starts with a Hug

by Jim Fay and Charles Fay, Ph.D.

LOVE
It takes a great deal of love to…

• Find the positives in our kids when they act poorly
• Hug them before we ask them about their homework
• Set limits without anger, lectures, or threats
• Hold them accountable for their poor decisions by providing empathy first and consequences second

LOGIC
When we give this special kind of love, a wise type of logic grows in their minds:

"When I make poor decisions, it makes my life pretty sad. I wonder how my next decision will affect my life?"

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TECHNIQUE OF THE WEEK:

Preparing Kids for the Teen World
By Dr. Charles Fay, Love & Logic


The way we discipline our children in grade school determines the type of teenagers they become. In elementary school, both right and wrong ways of disciplining work! However, while inappropriate methods may work during a child’s younger years, they fail to prepare a child for adolescence.

By following a few guidelines during the grade school years, parents can help their children glide through the teen years with minimal difficulty.

Guideline 1:

Give your child as few rules as possible and as many as absolutely necessary – Generally, it’s best to let the child make mistakes. Their consequences are usually far less severe in grade school than in high school.

Guideline 2:

Let natural consequences occur – Grounding, anger or lectures teach the child to resent the parent rather than learn from natural consequences. Wise parents, taking a cue from the airlines, say, “We’re leaving at eight o’clock. If you are ready at that time, you may go with us.”

Guideline 3:

Wise parents impose consequences to take care of themselves – Effective consequences that parents impose include isolation of the child or having the child perform extra work around the house to “pay the parents back” for family items they have abused. Wise parents say, “Why don’t you take a walk around the block and cool off? We’ll be happy to see your face again when there’s a smile on it.” When we take care of ourselves, children learn how to take care of themselves.

Guideline 4:

Get the child’s opinions and thoughts first – We ask with interest and without accusation.

Guideline 5:

Parent should mean what they say, and only say it once – Often parents give warnings: “Now I mean it!” (which implies the parent usually doesn’t!) Try instead, “Will you guys please take it outside now?” the kids may say, “What did we do?” A good response is, “Outside is the place to figure that out.”

To make these approaches more meaningful, discuss their pros and cons with your spouse or a friend before implementing any of them with your child.

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What is my parenting STYLE?

I guarantee your "style" will POP out! :)

HELICOPTER:  Hover, rescue & protect!
"You can't make it without me!"
DRILL SERGEANT: 
"Do it! Do it now, or else!"

CONSULTANTS:  Always there to give advice and let the child make the decision, with the idea that they will let the child make as many mistakes as possible...when the price tag is affordable.  Consultant parents take very good care of themselves in front of the kids...

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B's Favorite article ~
(You HAVE to read this!   :)

ARGUING with Kids is Like Trying to
Talk Sense into an Angry Dog

By Dr. Charles Fay, Love & Logic   

Have you ever had a successful debate with a rabid dog?
I tried it once. It didn't go very well:

Fido [biting my leg]:  Grrrr
Me: Now Fido, if you keep this up, there will be serious conseq - ow!
Fido [sinking teeth deeper]: Grrrr
Me: Don't you take that tone with me, mister! You are only hurting yourself with these bad choices you're making…
 
As humans, our miraculous brains can outperform Fido's before our first birthday. Our brains can do things dogs can't - such as complex reasoning and making wise decisions - as long as we are calm.
 
Unfortunately, when we are very upset, our brains switch to the part that is not much better at thinking than Fido's dog brain.
 
So, when we try to lecture or reason with an angry kid, we'll probably be as successful as we'd be with a rabid canine. Like Fido, upset kids are unlikely to stop mid-rage and suddenly be swayed by our wise and compelling words.
 
Wise adults take better care of themselves by waiting for more calm and happy times to talk with kids. They find that when the storm of emotion has passed over, thinking and logic have a better chance. Calm brains may actually be able to hear and understand what the adults are trying to communicate.

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Neutralize that ARGUMENT!

By Dr. David B. Hawkins
Co-Author: Love and Logic Magic
For Lasting Relationships

We've all been there: You're talking to a friend or mate and suddenly, almost without warning, you feel it. The twinge. The quickened heartbeat. The feeling of exasperation, defensiveness, and the intense desire to strike out.

Intimacy - or "into me see" is dangerous business, not for the faint of heart. Allowing another person to see the real you takes courage. The risks are having your feelings hurt. The rewards are having someone close to you.  

One of the many challenges of relating is the dreaded argument. We've all been there, done that. Can you remember the last time you were having a cordial conversation with a friend, colleague, or mate, and suddenly, almost without warning, tempers flared and harsh words were spoken? You didn't plan it. It just happened!  

What if there was a tool you had ready to use in such a situation? Would you use it? I'll bet you would. The next time you're in a situation where you feel attacked and want to lash out, I want you to try this experiment:

1. Stop! Yes, I know this sounds simple, but I want you to practice it. Stop! Rather than say anything, or do anything, I want you to simply stop.
   
   
2. Look. Take a moment to look around you. Notice where you are and what is happening.
   
   
3. Listen. What is being said? What was it that got you ramped up? Were you accused of something? Did someone talk about you in an unkind way? What happened?
   
   
4. Step back. Take a break. Breathe. Create a bit of distance between you and the other person and the tense situation.
   
   
5. Set a boundary. Tell the person, "I care about you too much to argue with you." Now give yourself some time to process what is happening. Let them know you will talk to them about the situation once you feel comfortable again.

The "Love and Logic Relater" maintains control over themselves, not others. They know they cannot stop another person from saying or doing anything, but they do control themselves. The next time you're in a tense situation, stop, look, and listen. Pay attention and from that position make healthy choices about what you want to do. You'll be glad you did.

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After reading the article above, can you see why
Love & Logic works with couples too? 
Using respect and empathy when
communicating, works with ALL ages!

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blottcom is the sole proprietorship of Brandi Lott Communications ~ brandilott@blottcom.com