Have you ever been caught in a TUG of WAR with your child? Of COURSE you have...that's NORMAL for parents and their children! When our children REFUSE to do what we ask of them, or when they are upset because WE don't do what THEY ask of US...the battle lines are drawn.
Very quickly, our children seem to MASTER the skill of debate! We have worked diligently to raise responsible, independent children. Then, one day we realize: we have done a GREAT job! As they grow up, they show this independence and need for control in so many ways... and this "struggle for balance" can drive both you AND your child crazy! Parenting with Love and Logic addresses these "control issues" from an EARLY age (we have a whole series JUST for the ages of birth to six!) Stop the bickering, the reminders, the lectures...let's start LOVING our children, and allow LIFE to provide the LESSONS needed for their future SUCCESS! Read on!
Blessings to you!
B
What IS our job as parents?
By Dr. Charles Fay, Love and Logic
When asked, "What's our job as a great parent or great teacher?" most people say something like, "To raise or help create really respectful and responsible kids." Our good friend and co-founder of Love and Logic, Foster W. Cline, M.D., disagrees. Dr. Cline argues:
It's not our job to raise responsible kids. Our job is to consistently do the things that give kids an opportunity to become responsible.
When we spend all of our time and energy trying to make our kids respectful and responsible, we open ourselves up to major power-struggles. It's as if we send an unstated message such as, "All of my self-worth and happiness is tied up in how well you behave." This is far too much power for any child to have. Too often, strong-willed children use this power to punish their parents.
In contrast, when we focus on doing the right things and giving our kids a great opportunity, we place appropriate responsibility on them and they have no battle to fight. The unstated message is much different: "While I want very much for you to have a happy and responsible life, I can't make that happen for you. You are the one who has to do most of the work."
Take care of yourself by remembering that the only thing you really have complete control over is yourself.
When asked, "What's our job as a great parent or great teacher?" most people say something like, "To raise or help create really respectful and responsible kids." Our good friend and co-founder of Love and Logic, Foster W. Cline, M.D., disagrees. Dr. Cline argues:
It's not our job to raise responsible kids. Our job is to consistently do the things that give kids an opportunity to become responsible.
When we spend all of our time and energy trying to make our kids respectful and responsible, we open ourselves up to major power-struggles. It's as if we send an unstated message such as, "All of my self-worth and happiness is tied up in how well you behave." This is far too much power for any child to have. Too often, strong-willed children use this power to punish their parents.
In contrast, when we focus on doing the right things and giving our kids a great opportunity, we place appropriate responsibility on them and they have no battle to fight. The unstated message is much different: "While I want very much for you to have a happy and responsible life, I can't make that happen for you. You are the one who has to do most of the work."
Take care of yourself by remembering that the only thing you really have complete control over is yourself.
FALL '15
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