Teen Articles:
I hope you glean some insight after reading these Teen articles! I update this page regularly, so come back often! I post excellent tips and solutions for common discipline challenges for your teenager!
In addition, feel free to visit my Blottblog - (just click on the tab at the top of this page) - I post a weekly blog addressing the most common issues discussed in my classes.
If you don't find the topic you are looking for, please let me know! You can email me at [email protected].
Blessings to you!
B
In addition, feel free to visit my Blottblog - (just click on the tab at the top of this page) - I post a weekly blog addressing the most common issues discussed in my classes.
If you don't find the topic you are looking for, please let me know! You can email me at [email protected].
Blessings to you!
B
Angry Kids
By Jim Fay
"Why does my child always have an attitude? She's often disruptive, disrespectful or picking on other children. She's always the one with a chip on her shoulder." This frustrated parent expresses the feelings of many–Why is my child angry and how do I deal with it? A child who acts out may be expressing other emotions through anger. A youngster may be experiencing a loss, a divorce or a move. A child may be trying to let the world know that his/her life is not what it ought to be. Regardless of the reason, it looks the same. But how can we deal with this angry attitude without being a psychologist? A Parent's Job is to Understand, Not to Fix Things Listening for understanding is impossible when a child is "drunk" on anger. Never reason with an angry child. Instead say, "It sounds like you're really mad. I want to listen and understand. I will listen when you're voice is as calm as mine. Come back then." If you can't make the child leave, you leave. Be prepared to repeat your calm statement if the child is determined to yell out the anger without leaving. "Don't worry about it now. We'll talk when you're calm."You may need to say this several times. Be prepared to play "broken record" with, what did I say? Use these phrases instead of reasoning. Reasoning will only fuel the anger. "Thanks for Sharing That" Once the child is able to discuss the anger, listen without reasoning. Try to avoid telling the child why he/she should not be angry. Avoid telling them that things will be okay and how to make it better. Your job is to prove that you understand – "It sounds like you get mad when I tell you it's time to do your chores. Thanks for sharing that with me. I'll give it some thought. If you think of a better way for me to remind you, let me know." Parents Can Make It Worse Parents who do not treat their children with respect send a message that says, "You're not worthy." These parents often communicate with a lot of yelling. This encourages the child to yell and scream back while the parents retaliate by getting madder. It's a vicious cycle that breeds chronic anger in the child. In place of anger, parents should work on listening to their children in a non–threatening, honest and open manner. Most children will talk openly only after they truly believe their parents are interested in what they have to say and recognize their feelings. When Anger Continues If, despite your best attempts to understand your child's anger, there is no change in behavior after three months, parents should seek professional counseling for their child. In some instances, chronic anger is best helped by a professional. Never reason with an angry child. Use empathy and understanding instead. "It sounds like you're really mad. I want to listen and understand. And I will listen when your voice is as calm as mine. Come back then." KIDS and SMOKING
By Dr. Charles Fay, Love & Logic When youngsters find themselves in tough spots, how we've handled their mistakes in the past will have a lot to do with whether they fess-up and accept our guidance or continue to remain stuck in the bad situation they've created. Smoking is one of the many bad decisions that falls into this category. Many kids decide to experiment with this dangerous habit and quickly find themselves hooked. Since we can't follow our kids every second of the day to make sure they never light a cigarette, it's far more productive to offer concern and guidance rather than anger and threats. With a combination of loving humor, empathy and sincerity we can plant some seeds in our child's mind: "Amy, I'm really worried that your siblings are going to get all of your inheritance." Of course, Amy won't quite understand. "Huh?" "Well, I'm thinking that you stand a pretty good chance of getting lung or some other sort of cancer that will wipe you out before you can get your hands on our cash. But seriously, we worry about you…because we love you. A lot of kids get hooked on cigarettes and then don't know how to stop smoking. Heck, quitting is really hard for most adults. If you decide that you want some help with this, just ask. Your mom and I really want to help." In their book, Parenting Teens with Love and Logic Jim Fay and Foster Cline, MD, give a variety of additional strategies for upping the odds that teens will want to behave and lead healthy lives. All of these techniques involve showing great love and concern, setting limits only over what's within our control, and providing guidance rather than hollow threats and lectures. The Power of POSITIVE Feelings
By Dr. Charles Fay, Love & Logic I love the smell of burnt toast! That aroma…coupled with the odor of overcooked coffee…always leaves a warm feeling in my heart. I once met a woman who loved the sound of trains. In fact, she loved this sound so much that she purchased a house near the tracks…so that she could experience the bone-rattling rumbles and blaring horns 24 hours a day. Like this woman, I learned to love something because of the unconscious associations I developed through my experience as a child. Every time I went to my loving grandparents' home, my grandmother managed to burn the toast…and burn the coffee. This woman had a similar experience. Her loving grandmother lived…you guessed it…next to the train tracks. The power of positive feelings is immense! When our kids experience love and joy coupled with chores…they associate doing chores with positive feelings. When they experience warmth and affection coupled with learning…they come to associate academics with positive feelings. When they feel our joy as we parent or educate them, they’re far more likely to live a life filled with excitement and motivation instead of apprehension and apathy. Sometimes I get shortsighted. Sometimes I forget all of this. Sometimes I allow myself to get cross and short and impatient, thinking that somehow my negativity will inspire my kids to cheerfully learn and complete their daily duties. I forget all of this when I don’t take good care of myself. Kids don't remember all of the things we try to teach them, but they will always remember how they felt when they were around us. Take great care of yourself so that you can give them the gift of loving learning, loving responsibility, and loving themselves. My Parent is SO SMART!
By Jim Fay Believe it or not, it's possible to train your kids to appreciate how smart you are. All it takes is a little nerve on your part, and application of a Love and Logic® Five-Step Process. Look for opportunities to do this as often as possible. The more you repeat the process, the more your kids will marvel at both your wisdom and your ability to know ahead of time what's going to happen. Start out by corralling your tendencies to say, "Don't do that!" This tempting phrase only results in kids thinking, "My parents worry too much. Nothing bad will happen." I have been studying kids and parents for over 45 years. My experience is kids who hear, "Don't do that," consider it a challenge, not good advice. Step One: Avoid the natural tendency to order your child to do the right thing. Say these words instead, "Oh, I don't think I'd do that." Be sure there is plenty of lilt in your voice. Kids always listen best when the parent's words are soft and melodious. Step Two: Describe the possible consequences that might befall you, not the child. For example, "Oh, I don't think I'd go out there and mouth off to people who are bigger than me. If I did that, I might really take a beating." Step Three: Resist all temptations to warn or remind. Remember that bumps and bruises heal quickly. They also hurt the parent more than they do the child. Chances are the neighborhood kids will be more than willing to provide both training and natural consequences. Guaranteed, these kids will not use warnings and lectures to get the job done. This is probably the most difficult step for some parents. It means having to override natural loving instincts to protect and defend our young. This natural instinct was given to us to use in life and death situations. Try not to confuse these times with those in which life's important lessons can be learned. Love and Logic parents know that kids learn best through their mistakes and consequences. Experience, not lectures and warnings, develop strong people. Those who are protected from struggles and mistakes as youngsters have a much more difficult life as adults. Often, in our zeal to make our kids happy, we actually steal away their opportunities to grow into happy, productive adults. Step Four: Know that your youngster may mouth off to those bigger kids anyway. The odds are good the other kids will provide an immediate lesson. More than likely, it will happen just like you described in step two. POW! At this minute, a flash of recognition will surge through your child's brain. "Wow! This is exactly what mom/dad said would happen. She/he must really be smart!" When kids develop these kinds of thoughts, they remember them forever. Step Five: Now is the time for a hug and genuine empathy. It's the perfect chance for you to be the good guy. "Oh, no. Look what happened. That's exactly what happens to me when I mouth off to bigger people. Let's get you cleaned up. I'll bet you could use a hug." This empathy locks in the learning. Look for opportunities for kids to learn in this way, and you will become smarter in their eyes with each new experience. 
You Can SAVE Your Child's Life
Parents are the perfect antidote to peer pressure.
By Dr. Charles Fay Your children do not have to fall victim to peer pressure. That's good news considering a recent survey commissioned by the Love and Logic Institute found nearly 75 percent of American adults believe today's teenagers face decisions with more dangerous consequences than they did. The survey also revealed that 27 percent of adults are most concerned with the negative influence of peers on children, just behind television (29 percent), and surpassing the Internet (19 percent), movies (9 percent), and popular music (7 percent). Almost half believe peers have more influence on children today than in the past. Love and Logic offers parents plenty of practical, easy-to-learn tools that can literally save a child's life when peer pressure drives him or her to experiment with dangerous activities, such as sex, drugs, violence, and other reckless behavior. Here are four tips to help you give your kids the tools they need to resist peer pressure: Tip 1: Teach your children that poor choices lead to unpleasant consequences. When children know that poor decisions lead to unhappiness, they tend to be a lot more careful about the choices they make. Love and Logic parents allow their children to make plenty of choices, and plenty of mistakes, when the consequences of these mistakes are not serious or life threatening. The wisdom children gain from being held accountable for these smaller mistakes makes them much less likely to make bigger ones when peers turn up the heat. Tip 2: Avoid power struggles over friendship choices. Don't fall into the trap of fighting a losing battle over who your children choose as friends. Parent-child clashes over this issue actually drive kids away from their parents and the family they need so badly. How many American teens hit the streets each year because of the resentment these fights create? Love and Logic parents send the following message: "We will love you regardless of whom you choose as your friends." Tip 3: Send positive messages about your child's ability to make wise choices. Children will either live up to or down to their parents' expectations. Some parents unwittingly set their kids up for failure by saying things like, "That Joe is going to get you into a world of trouble." Statements like this imply that our kids are not strong enough to resist being "infected" by others´ poor judgment. Love and Logic parents set positive expectations by making loving comments, such as, "Honey, Joe sure is lucky to have a friend like you who makes such smart choices!" Tip 4: Allow your child to use you as the "bad guy." Love and Logic parents give their children a way of saving face when their friends tempt them to make poor decisions. How? They say, "Sweetie, I know it can be hard to say ´no´ when your friends want you to do something that's wrong. You can blame us anytime by saying, 'Oh no. My parents are such dorks. Last time I did something like that they went ballistic. I'd better not.'" These four tips can save your child's life! There's no need to battle with your children over friends, and there's no need for peer pressure to lead them astray. Parents can be powerful influences in their children's lives — even during the challenging teenage years. Try Love and Logic and see how it changes your life. You'll be amazed at how fun parenting can be! HAVE A PLAN FOR DEALING
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