Since school is right around the corner, I thought you might like a few reminders as you discipline at home, and possibly in the classroom too! :) Need some training? Join us at our fall Introduction to Love and Logic session on August 21st, 6:30pm at Southwest Christian School Elementary. It's FREE and explains what Love and Logic is all about - and you learn ACTUAL techniques that address common discipline challenges... that you can start to use immediately when you return home!
Our fall season has been announced!
Early Childhood Series - August 20th
Parenting Series - August 27th
Educator Series - September 19th
Come join us! I look forward to another FANTASTIC group of parents with LOTS of lively discussion! :)
BELOW are my TIP - TOP, most IMPORTANT, you HAVE to READ reminders! I hope they are helpful to you as you prepare for the "BUSY-NESS" of the school year. I ENCOURAGE you to take some time to REFLECT on your relationship with your children AND your response to THEIR choices. Following even a few of the reminders can TRULY help, and provide CALM when there usually is CHAOS!
1. A LOVING ATTITUDE toward the young person is important… A key principle of the Love and Logic approach is that we preserve the dignity - of the child AND the adult. Does yelling and threatening preserve kids' dignity? How about ours?
So, take a deep breath… ABSORB the situation FIRST… BEFORE you speak.
2. As the adult, you are allowed to DELAY the consequence if you just don't know what to do at that time. A smile, and a quick response that you will have to take care of that later, will give you some time to decide what to do. (Don't forget the "Energy Drain" consequence)
3. Remember to SHARE the CONTROL. Resist the urge to come up with ALL the ANSWERS and SOLVE all the PROBLEMS. Instead, give kids the GIFT of thinking about and solving their own problems. ASK lots of QUESTIONS, and GIVE lots of CHOICES, so kids stay in on the action. IF you try to hold on to ALL of the CONTROL… inevitably, you will lose MOST of the CONTROL.
4. Don't forget you can use only a FEW WORDS to make your point. Allow them to do some thinking… it is good for a child to process what got them to this point.
5. Are you using ENFORCEABLE STATEMENTS? When we are ORDERED to do something, we subconsciously sense a LOSS of personal CONTROL. When kids tell THEMSELVES of a possible threat, RESISTANCE goes DOWN. We set limits by what WE will DO or what WE will ALLOW.
THE ORDER vs. WHAT THE TEACHER WILL DO (i.e. enforceable statement):
- Sit down. I'm going to start now. vs. I'll begin as soon as you are seated.
- Be quiet. It's time to begin. vs. I'll be glad to start as soon as you show me that you are ready.
- Open your books to page 54. vs. I'll be teaching from page 54.
- Don't bother your neighbors. vs. You are welcome to stay with us as long as you and others are not being bothered.
- Don't talk to me in that tone of voice! vs. I'll listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine.
6. If they fail AGAIN… it's ok! We want them to fail NOW when the long term consequence is MINIMAL, (when they are YOUNG…) BEFORE they can truly harm themselves and their future.
7. Don't forget the EMPATHY before the consequences and bad news. We are sad for kids and we hurt for them when they struggle. Our SADNESS (INSTEAD of our ANGER and frustration) HELPS THEM own problems and learn from the consequences. None of this works without empathy.
8. RELATIONSHIPS are paramount. If we are not PRESERVING or enhancing RELATIONSHIPS, we are not really using Love and Logic techniques. We MUST connect with the children to enable trust, and therefore they will believe our empathy is real.
SO… how DO we get kids to THINK?
(One of my FAVORITE articles - - I had to share!)
Dr. Charles Fay, Love and Logic
Have you ever stopped to think about what a blessing it is to be a good thinker? Now I'm not necessarily talking about being a genius or intellectually gifted. I'm mostly referring to being able to use good problem-solving skills and good old-fashioned common sense. As this world becomes ever more complex and temptation-laden, it becomes more and more important that we teach our kids how to build their mental muscles. Listed below are some quick tips:
- When your kids ask you for help with something, encourage them to try a bit longer before you jump in to help them. The only way to really learn good thinking skills is by having to figure out some things on your own.
- Ask them as many questions as possible. Examples include, "What else might you try? What have you seen other people do to solve this problem? What would happen if you tried_________? Where might you learn how to do that? Is that something you could learn about in a book, by asking someone, or by looking on the internet?"
- Allow them to mess up. Too frequently, we step in and tell kids exactly what to do when we worry that they might make a mistake. When the consequences are small, ALLOW them to blow it and LEARN.
Blessings to you!